A Word of Encouragement when you’re feeling Under Qualified
The cursor is blinking and my hands are shaking. I can feel my heartbeat quicken and my breath catch a little.
I’ve sat down at this very desk, with this very laptop a thousand times to write. Write a devotion, an email, a short story, work on a book, work on a blog…
This time it feels different. I feel different. I feel called. I feel like I don’t have a choice but to start exercising my voice in words and airways. It’s exhilarating and exciting, but also terrifying and intimidating.
I think as anyone takes their place at their own starting line they begin to have flashes of the people that have lined up before them. The people who have raced well. The people who have become big names. The people who have made a mark. Authors, podcasters, radio show hosts and talk show personalities are on a flipbook in my mind. Their smiling faces flashing as the next one flips over the top. They are legendary. They are famous. They have made a difference in the world.
I feel like I’ve lined up at the starting line with these legends in my old cotton gym shorts and ill-fitting gray t-shirt from middle school’s P.E. class, my name slightly crooked and in permanent marker across my back. My shoes are regular shoes, nothing fancy, with tattered laces and scuffed toes. As I brush the hair out of my eyes I can see the sleek gear of my experienced competition, shiny fabric fitted to their body, the perfect cleats for the track we’re about to start running, hair back, energy filled veins… all the right gear to showcase their quality and professionalism.
When the gun goes off and we take that first spring loaded step I wonder if I’ll even be able to get off the blocks. I wonder if I’ll fall, trip or simply freeze. I wonder how long it will be before I’m able to move like they do. How long before someone might recognize me as an author, blogger, podcaster that has left a mark on their life… I wonder how it will feel, and I also wonder how it will feel if it never happens. Will it have all been a waste? Will I have missed my actual calling and opted for something I thought was right but turned out wrong? Then what?
STOP! STOP! STOP!
I am yelling at myself in my mind to stop. You might be too if you have ever felt or are feeling this way. Lining up for your style of race in life is terrifying you and you're getting spun off into wild thoughts along with me. Let’s Stop.
A deep breath is in order.
As I look back to the top of this very writing the words that say, “I feel called,” catch my eye. It does feel different and I do feel called. It’s okay to be nervous about the outcome but if you never get off the starting line you’re certainly not going to ever get to the finish line or have any stats to look at.
I think my issue, like so many others, is that I feel like I have to justify myself; to prove I’m qualified to have a space, to take your time, to use my time… I’m just a regular girl, with a regular life, and a regular house. I drive a minivan and love my old jeans and sweatshirts. I’m not great at makeup or hair. I’m not a gourmet cook. I make mistakes. I get too angry, hit snooze too many times, stay up too late, eat too many chips and salsa before my dinner. I’m behind in my One Year Bible readings… and it all makes me wonder how I could possibly justify myself.
So here’s the deal… God has called me. God has called me and is going to help me. He fights for me. He fights for you. God has called me and just as God has called me into other areas of life He did not abandon me there. I’m a little like the Isrealites I guess, with a short memory for God’s goodness. Fortunately, for them and for me, God has continued to show up.
And fortunately, God doesn’t just give each of us one chance and let us either flourish or flounder. Sometimes one calling leads to another, sometimes there is complete abandonment of a previous calling. (It’s the skill you take away from having actually done it, the faith you showed, the lessons learned.) Maybe it is one long calling and you stick with it your whole life. Just getting better and better at your specific skill. Regardless, I’m trusting that God knows best and that this is where both you and I are supposed to be.
So, as the gun gets ready to go off at my starting line and I adjust my feet, head up, shoulders down, hands poised… where are you in your race? Are you starting something new? Picking up something old? Doing something totally different? Waiting for your next assignment? Closing out for what you think is coming to an end?
It’s easy to look at all these options for other people and feel really excited and in awe; we feel we know they’re already qualified. Then we look to ourselves and feel let down when we haven’t done anything yet. So, I challenge you, look at your starting line, your race, your finish line as if it were someone else's. Look at it with the same excitement and awe as you would for someone you really admire, your best friend, anyone you would encourage to do their best and endure those tough spots.
God has a special calling on each of our lives. We were created to live in this time, in this place, with these people. There is no accident about it. We might as well embrace it. We might as well see what’s in store for us. We might as well smile and be excited about it. We might as well learn as much as we can and use it to the best of our ability because we don’t know what’s next. Be the best, be the first, the longest running, who knows what… But God does. So might as well do it and do it well.
Even if you’re feeling terrified, God is standing in the gaps for you. He is your qualifier. Your hard work will pull you through. Your experience is your expertise. His desire is your fulfillment with and through Him. His plan is the prayer you’ve prayed; to know it and walk it out. Don’t quit now.
So get ready my friends, we’re embarking on a new adventure. We’re here to do the things. We have to do the things not because we have no choice but we have no choice but to stop the gnawing at the back of our mind that we’re NOT doing the things.
After much prayer and thought and more prayer, I discovered God has already told me what to do, now I just need to do it.
Who am I?
My name is Jesse. I’m a 41 year old wife and mother. I’ve dabbled in writing since I can remember and it’s been the only hobby that comes around and comes around. I married my highschool sweetheart and we immediately embarked on the grand adventure of Military life. A is for ARMY, ARMY ARMY ARMY (it's a candece - iykyk)… so proud of him and his service. We have four kids at all different stages of life - graduated to elementary school… we are well versed in the love and war of home life. Thank goodness love has always been the winner here. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior with a real head and heart knowledge at about 22 and haven’t looked back. I have been part of a church and not, part of the school inner workings and not. I have had a conventional job and not. We’ve lived in the pacific northwest, the deep south and the midwest. I don’t know how this all comes together to be my qualifier but I know God is going to use my experiences to share the lessons I’ve learned, to connect with people that will teach me in return and build relationships.
So while it’s terrifying I’m also looking at my race and getting excited. I hope that you will run your race alongside me so we can cheer each other on and support each other all the way to the finish line that God has laid out for us.
God bless you, friend
Keep your hopes high
Your squats low and
Your eye in your lane
And your heart after God
