Question Marks and Periods; Life and Death in punctuation

I read something really interesting the other day. It had to do with punctuation… and the crowd rolled their eyes while wondering how punctuation could be remotely interesting, but hear me out…  

It wasn’t about usage, per se.  It was more about the inflection that comes with the use of punctuation and how it affects our perception.  Particularly the use of periods and question marks.  The crazy part is it makes a huge difference if we swap the two around (duh) not only in meaning but also in our thought life.  The way a sentence sounds matters… even when it's coming from our own internal monologue.  

So, let me give you an example.  If you say to yourself, “Wow, what a great day.” You can confidently say it was a great day.  But what if you ended that same sentence with a question.  “Wow, what a great day?”  Just that question mark, that squiggle at the end of the sentence, changes everything.  Read it again… do you change the “Wow,” to a more sarcastic sounding “Wow”?  Do you wrinkle your nose or shake your head as you say the sentence now?  

Just that one little mark has drastically changed the thought from really being convinced that it was a great day and made it not only a question, but brought that complete thought into doubt.  

Obviously, questions, statements and exclamations are all necessary parts of speech.  They help us to better communicate, make decisions, express our feelings, etc…  We need them in our vocabulary and inflection in speaking. 

So, let’s get down to the meat of my point: 1.  When we speak to ourselves what sort of punctuation are we using?  2.  How are we manipulated by punctuations and inflections?  

First, we spend 100% of our time with ourselves.  How we speak to ourselves  about situations and about ourselves matters.  The thoughts we think, the inflection we use and the punctuation we put at the end of these thoughts directly influence the decisions we make, the confidence we have and what we believe about ourselves.  

We have to get in check the places we are throwing up question marks when we really should be ending with a period.  We must know when it’s appropriate even in conversation with ourselves to throw out facts without the attitude of inflection of questions or exclamations.  

We do it all the time… we tend to be very unkind to ourselves.  We sarcastically tell ourselves great job, you look nice, you are doing well… insert head shake, nose wrinkle, eye roll, sarcasm, question marks galore.  This usually comes with some sort of comparison and we start to minimize what we have or do versus what someone else has or does.  

Knock it off!  It’s one thing to state the facts.  Be realistic.  Tell the truth.  It’s another thing completely to tear yourself down while building someone else up in your mind.  Comparison is the thief of joy and your journey will never match anyone elses.

Second, we manipulate the way we talk to ourselves so even compliments come out sounding like slander.  Stop it!  And if you’re doing this to someone else - stop that too! I mean, let’s be clear, I love a well timed joke but, come on, too far is too far with ourselves or anyone. 

We hear it in movies, see it on TV, listen to our teen children talk to each other and we can easily see the question marks with the nose wrinkle and maybe a little up speak to immediately make someone feel small or less than.  Maybe the sentence with a period at the end is kind and unassuming, potentially even complimentary but throw that question mark at the end or an added “Really?”… and that’s it.  Dead in the water.  We’ve strangled the life out of a conversation, out of ou self confidence and brought everything into question, made someone feel bad, pushed the joke too far.  

I see this tactic being used between people to manipulate others into getting what they want.  “The rule is XYZ in my home or relationship, at work,” etc.. and the response is, “Really?”  maybe with the added repetition of your explanation followed with a head shake and big eyed stare.  As if to say the rule only exists  because of the less intelligent.  If you think you're smart this doesn’t apply to you.    

It’s so unfair!  The rule maker makes the rules to protect.  The rule maker makes the rules to save.  The rule maker makes the rules out of experience.  Someone manipulating these rules is not being a friend.  Whether it’s a friend, family member, leader, coach, etc… People that manipulate by ending their responses with a question mark to bring you doubt about what you know is right is simply wrong.  

There is a difference in asking questions to find out more information, to understand, to learn.  These are not what I’m talking about.  These doubt building questions are things that make you push boundaries that otherwise you wouldn’t even give a second thought to.  Things like, “Really? You need to check with your husband first?”  

I’ve had this exact sentence flung at me multiple times in all kinds of situations.  Everything from meeting up with friends to enrolling my kids in sports… Initially when this happened it would throw me for a loop.  I’d scramble, feel guilty, be embarrassed… Their question wasn’t meant to find out more.  Their question was to manipulate me to give them an immediate answer, pay the fee for the sport or whatever gain they were getting.  It was not in my best interest for them to question my established boundaries but that was never their priority.  

Let me just tell you it does not throw me for a loop now.  It makes me think just a tiny bit less of the person doing it if we’re being honest.  They clearly don’t respect my boundaries and so their questioning the way I live and have agreed to live in marriage (or whatever the situation is) makes me realize they aren’t out for mutual gain.  They’re out for themselves first.  The response I usually give is, “Gosh, that’s great for you but I don’t do XYZ without a quick conversation with my husband.  Thanks for understanding.”  It’s usually shut down pretty quickly.  

Don’t let people manipulate you by bringing questions to your established morals or boundaries simply because they have a desire for themselves.  

Lastly, I will leave you with a final example:  The serpent in the Garden of Eden.  The serpent tempted Eve.  He didn’t threaten her.  He didn’t accuse her.  All he did was put a question mark at the end of the rule God had laid out for her.  This question mark threw her into a tailspin.  She questioned herself, Adam and even led her to question God.  In this situation Eve made a choice outside of her character that affected her and Adam and all of humanity.  All from a simple question mark.  The devil knew adding that question mark would create just enough doubt in Eve’s mind there would be a crack to work with.    

Don’t let there be cracks to work with.  Don’t create cracks for others.  Use your punctuation for good.