Fact or Fear

How many times do you receive an opportunity to pursue something but you’re not sure if it is right for you or not?

Maybe you feel it is too easy. Maybe it is too hard. Maybe it goes against your principles or standards. 

Even better, maybe this whole thing is a farce. A scam. A lie. 

Often time’s we experience this phenomena when we are looking at something tied to our dreams or passions, or at something that can help improve our lives and move it forward. 

The key with experiences like these are to see what is fact and what is fear. 

About ten years ago as I was getting ready to date my now wife, there were a series of events that kept coming up preventing it from moving forward. (Keep in mind that in the Chabad Chassidic sect dating is done through matchmakers, resume’s, reference calls etc). 

I expressed my frustration to the matchmaker about this and she told be a powerful line that has stuck with me to this day. “When the Satan (trickster) sees something that is holy, he tries to get involved and prevent it.”

This message has been a guiding light for me and my wife for many years. It doesn’t just pertain to marriage. It pertains to many areas of life as well. 

I had a friend reach out to me recently about a group coaching program someone had told him about. He was expressing interest in it as it was the sort of “tough love” and accountability he felt he needed. And at the same time he was wary of it. 

Something about the videos he saw rubbed him the wrong way. The coaches seemed to be manipulative. The program seemed to be fake. So he asked me to look into it which I did. 

At the end of my research I saw nothing wrong with the program. Sure there were aspects of it that I thought might be silly or unnecessary, but nothing to ring any bells. 

I hopped on a call with this client to understand from his perspective what he thought was the problem with the program. 

As he was describing his thoughts he kept mentioning one thing. “The men in this group seem to be a no-nonsense type of group and they won’t let you make excuses or get out of what you’re supposed to do. It seems controlling.”

I reminded him of why he was initially attracted to the group and how he was looking for that exact thing. Real accountability. No excuses allowed. A supporting environment. 

Everything he wanted were the exact things he was running away from. 

He ended up enrolling in the group and two weeks later I checked in with him and it has been amazing for him. 

So what happened. 

Often times when we are faced with a desire, to change, to grow, to achieve, we can become paralyzed by the fear of actually accomplishing it. We end up creating reasons and rationales for it to not work. For it to be false. 

And yet, if we take a closer look at it we realize it is the exact thing we need, the thing that is best for us. 

So the next time you’re facing a choice and you feel the fear building up, take a step back, phone in a friend if need be, and ask yourself…”is this fact or fear?”