The Power of Perspective
As husbands and fathers, there are opportunities galore for us to test our strength and fortitude in the face of adversity.
That’s a fancy way of saying “we find ourselves getting angry a lot and have to control ourselves so we don’t take it out on our innocent family members.”
We are hit with a scenario where our current beliefs lead us down one path, and yet that path may not be the best path. So instead we need to find a way to change our perception on the current issue, avoid total ruin, and come out with a better understanding of the situation.
As an example, I was walking home from synagogue the other day and noticed a familiar car sitting in the parking lot of the apartment complex right across the street. This car belonged to a gentleman in the community, probably 50 or so years old, who was not a generally happy guy.
Most of my interactions with him ended with me walking away feeling like I had just been slapped by his grumpiness. I thought further into this how the apartment complex isn’t really suitable for someone who is married and therefore concluded that this man must not be married.
The immediate thought that came after that was “well that makes total sense. Who would want to be married to someone with such a sour attitude.”
And then I stopped, rewound, and re-analyzed the scenario. I played the What-If game.
What-If the scenario were in reverse. What if he was married and happy? What if he lost his wife? What if because of that his mindset and attitude change?
Maybe it was because of that deep loss that he ended up being the person he is now. A man in pain.
It completely changes the narrative. We’ve gone from being disgusted and despising him, to being sympathetic and feeling for him.
Now the truth is I don’t actually know what his marital status is. I don’t know if he did indeed lose a spouse or loved one. And even if he did, it doesn’t justify his actions, only explains them.
But by going through this thought process I’ve changed in my mind the narrative of who he is, and can therefore change how I react and respond to him the next time we have an interaction.
This same skill can be applied in other areas of life.
When your children are going nuts, driving you up the wall, what alternative perspective can you take to interacting with them?
When your spouse lashes out at you for something you may or may not have done, how can you look at the situation differently?
When your boss makes a decision you don’t agree with, can you see it from a different perspective?
The next time you are presented with a challenging situation, see how you can flip the script and see it from a different perspective.
