ASK
Can we just be really open and honest here for a second?
We all need help at some point in our lives and most of us will need help multiple times.
We are all struggling with something. We are all battling the inner mean voice; telling us lies, telling us half truths, reminding us of our shortcomings. We all feel overwhelmed. We all feel overworked, overtired and underappreciated. We all feel misunderstood. We all go through hard times. We all have some relative level of trauma we are overcoming.
So often we hear these terribly sad stories… someone lost everything and everyone… through their own decisions or decisions they had no control over… accidents… illness… disease… Life is hard and relying on people is hard especially when people seem to be inherently selfish. It’s not because people are bad but most are predominantly looking out for number one.
So how is it when we find ourselves in a particularly hard situation or when the walls seem to be crumbling on everything we’ve worked for, how do we get the help we need? When demons from the past creep up and threaten to take you down, what do you do?
How does an exhausted new mom get someone to watch her baby for an hour so she can shower? How does an overwhelmed mom of multiples make it to all the drop offs and pick ups when clearly she’s going to need a duplicate of herself? How does the newly widowed woman get help pumping gas when her husband did that for her every single time for 40 years? How does the man who lost his best friend in an accident get help seeing a future without his best buddy? How do veterans get help? How do police, firefighters, EMT, all emergency medical and military get help?
How does a person get help for their mental state? Their heart’s state? Their spirit’s state? Their physical state? Their emotional state?
The answer is insultingly simple and most will want to walk away when I give my answer but hang tight.
ASK.
We have no choice but to ASK for help. Sure, people will offer initially after a tragedy if there’s anything they can do. They might drop by a meal or take you to a movie. Spend some time hanging out with you. But what happens when that’s not enough? Or the passage of time starts filling everyone’s schedules with things to do but the need is still there
The truth of the matter is we have to ASK. We have to be our own advocate. We have to be our own best friend and voice of our destiny. We cannot sit silently by waiting for someone to read our minds or automatically know what we need.
Honestly, in the face of most hardships people, your friends, family, co-workers, don’t know what to say or do to help. Unfortunately, that leads people to do nothing even when their heart is in a place to help. People will avoid discomfort for themselves and they will certainly try to avoid bringing discomfort to another by bringing up or talking about a hardship for someone else. That doesn’t make it right or what anyone wants but it tends to be human nature; the path of least resistance.
You have to get bold and ASK.
What happens when you do ASK? Most of the time - Magic. It’s usually something wonderful. Not only do you as the ASKing party let someone know that they are important in your life but you also share with them the burden that you are carrying and naturally draws you closer. You become not only the one receiving help in your current situation but you also make yourself available as a confidant for another person in the future.
The more we can grow our network through real connection, through truly helping, through actually being a support the more your network becomes a second family. The more of a second family you develop the more people will help without even having to be ASKed. An understanding is created, a knowing of what to do for who. It’s truly a beautiful thing.
What happens when you ASK and nothing happens? Then nothing happens. You have to move on and not dwell on the fact that someone was incapable to help. It’s not personal. You have to hear that, it’s NOT personal. You have to take the stance in your mind and heart that that person is incapable of helping. Not because they don’t care, are cruel or generally dismissive but that they genuinely are unable to help you in a way that really heals. You have to forgive them even if it hurts your feelings and recognize it’s not you, it’s them. Then ASK someone else. Don’t get gunshy no matter what.
ASKing takes practice.
No matter how you shake it, people are designed to live in community. We need people to celebrate with, get support from, bounce ideas off of and ASK for help.
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So the next time you are faced with a situation that seems too overwhelming ASK for help. No one knows what you need unless you say so. The strongest people are people who ask for help. Knowing you are in over your head emotionally, physically, spiritually is a strength. Going to someone for help builds your strength further. So please, ASK for help, tell people what they can do, what you need and build yourself stronger and better and more equipped for your own life and for others.
